At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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