White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
