Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
