my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
