omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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