Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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