he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
