Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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