Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
