You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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