my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Someone came in the potted fern
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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