this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
