I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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