I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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