i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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