I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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