can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
