Well apparently he's into motor boating.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
NoShamevember. You game?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
