My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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