He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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