Buhtt sex?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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