your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
