I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
