I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
