Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
