sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
