She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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