I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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