Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
