nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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