Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
