cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
