I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
