I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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