Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
