Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize