your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
