he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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