can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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