Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
