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just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
