I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
