I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
