You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
