In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize