Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
