So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
