all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
