You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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