Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
