I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
