I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
