Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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