3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
