Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
