is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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