Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
