Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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