I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
