how hairy? two words: wookie tits
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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