I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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