between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
