Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
