Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
