I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
