I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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