Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
