We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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