you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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