My liver just broke up with me...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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